christine's brain

Startuphood and Parenthood

Last month, I had the honor of having my writing published on TechCrunch. I was overwhelmed (in a good way) at how much the piece resonated with readers, especially parents and/or entrepreneurs (or some who were both). And without further adieu, here it is:

Startuphood and Parenthood: Not for the Faint of Heart

Parenthood is the closest thing I’ve found to entrepreneurship. Looks cool from the outside but can be really messy inside. Everyone has advice, you work like a dog, the highs are amazing and lows horrendous, and it is the best thing ever.

A 500 Startups company founder emailed me this recently, and I found it to be the best analogy I’ve heard in a long time. Being a parent and being an entrepreneur are quite similar. Allow me to elaborate based on my experience as a mom so far and someone who works very closely with entrepreneurs.

Looks cool from the outside but can be really messy inside.

Jeff Lu of Daily Aisle said it best in a recent blog post he wrote about the hardships of doing a startup:

I find it entertaining observing other startup founders. We all ask each other how everything is going and we all answer “GREAT” and then like a PR firm, we spew the latest good news spin. I then go grab drinks with a few close founder friends and we order stiff drinks, stare off like zombies, and talk about all the things going wrong with our companies.

From an outsider’s perspective, things could appear to be going very well. Yet people are blithely unaware of the fact that you’re still struggling to make money, you can’t figure out why your customers aren’t converting into paying customers, you get the sinking feeling you’re going to have to fire one of your employees, you and your co-founder aren’t seeing eye to eye. The only toilet in your office bathroom keeps clogging. Every night you go to bed (when you actually sleep in your bed) and have trouble falling asleep because you’re worrying about all these problems.

Motherhood is also something where oftentimes you feel like you’re forced to plaster a smile on your face whenever someone asks you about how things are going. What you expose to the world is carefully curated – my son’s blog features photos and videos that make it seem like having a baby is fun and easy. The reality? You’re running on fumes with only a couple hours of sleep each night. You barely have enough time to eat a full meal. Every little thing freaks you out and sends you running to the pediatrician. The job literally is messy, too — poopy diapers, spit-up, streams of pee all over your clothes, projectile poops, drool. To be fair, it’s especially difficult when your child is an infant, and most parents will tell you that it keeps getting better and better. But with a new age comes a new set of challenges. So I don’t believe things ever get “easier.”

Everyone has advice.

Launch now. No, launch in 6 months. You should be selling to small businesses. No, you should be selling directly to consumers. Raise a small advisory round now. No, hold off and raise a huge seed round. Your company name is holding you back from getting more customers – change it.

It’s in your best interest to be talking to as many people as possible about your startup. However, this presents a challenge when you’re in coffee meeting after coffee meeting and everyone is doling out all sorts of advice. How do you know who to listen to? Your head spins after hearing all this advice.

Moms get their fair share of conflicting advice, with a heaping of unsolicited advice. Parents debate the pros/cons of different types of disposable diapers, whether the supposed carcinogens in Johnson & Johnson baby products hurt their kids who used it, which method of sleep training to use. The fact that there is no right or wrong answer and the fact that you’re already on edge about every little decision and how it’ll potentially impact your child in the long run, makes parenthood all the more confusing.

You work like a dog.

Entrepreneurs don’t have a regular 9-5 work day. They don’t take vacations. They live and breathe their business 24/7 and wear many different hats. Polyvore co-founder Jess Lee notes in this Fast Company article how she wrote code, sold ads, did dishes, and went on food runs. A few of our founders shared their lesser known roles at their companies in this blog post.

I can say without a doubt that being a mom is the ultimate test of my multi-tasking skills. I spend my day meeting startup after startup, helping our portfolio companies, bringing in speakers, and soon gearing up for Demo Day for our accelerator program. I am also my son’s diaper changer, food source, coach, laundry service, dish washer (or rather, bottle washer), and medical aide. I take phone calls with startups while also supervising my son as he plays on his activity mat and editing slides for an upcoming fund advisory meeting. Once he’s down for the night, I’m back on my laptop. Everyday is a marathon, where I’m left completely wiped out at the end. And then the sun rises and it starts all over again.

The highs are amazing and lows horrendous.

Very few people talk about the emotional roller coaster that comes with being a founder. Even with the most successful businesses, it’s rarely pretty behind the scenes. You make tough decisions, deal with rejection, lose money, lose customers, argue with your co-founders. Founders put everything on the line to start their companies, and it takes a toll on everyone around them. That said, when things are good, they can be good. You feel on top of the world when you land your first paying customer, close a round of funding, hit 500K users, hire awesome people.

Moms know exactly how that feels. Some days I am SuperWoman. I can do anything and everything and feel that I truly do have it all — an awesome baby, awesome family, awesome job, awesome everything! I pat myself on the back for being able to get my son ready for the day, having a bunch of good meetings, and making it home on time while also keeping the house tidy and organized. Then there are days where I feel like I’m failing at home, failing at work, just failing all over the place. Basically, like I’ve hit rock bottom.

It is the best thing ever.

I’ve never met an entrepreneur who regretted taking that path, even if it cost them everything. I’ve never met a parent who regretted having children, no matter what sacrifices they made to raise them. Startuphood and parenthood are not for the faint of heart. But that’s what makes the journey so rewarding and such a thrill. You learn so much about yourself and surprise yourself with what you’re really made of when you’re pushed past your limits.

What I’ve found therapeutic is knowing that I’m not alone. Hearing other parents’ trials and tribulations makes me realize that, in fact, I’m not doing too shabby of a job and that it isn’t just me who finds this whole parenting thing difficult. In the same vein, entrepreneurs should never feel like they’re alone. I sincerely hope that every entrepreneur out there feels like they can be truly honest and transparent about their emotions and struggles — if not to a wide audience, then at least to a small circle of confidantes. It’s never good to keep all that bottled up inside of you. We’re allowed to be human.

As counter-intuitive as this may seem coming from someone who’s a VC – while running a company may seem like it’s all about the destination (or exit), it is the journey that ultimately has the most significance.

Reflecting on 31

Above: A slice of red velvet cake (my favorite kind of cake)

2011 has been an exciting, transformational year for me, to say the least. In July, we became parents when our sweet little boy Brendan joined us, making us a party of 5 including our canine kids Nickey and Snowball. You could say this has been the Year of Brendan.

As I turn 31 today, here are a few life lessons I’ve learned over the past year:

• An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. My favorite quote and something I try to live by. Life is far too short to be merely thinking about doing things. Just do it. 
• Invest time in your relationships - personal and professional. Even something as simple as a “hey how’s it going” email or phone call, or meet up for coffee. It’s the little things that matter. “It doesn’t matter what you say about someone once they’re gone. What matters is how you treat them when they’re still here.” So true. (Bonus points to anyone who can identify that quote)
• Have an opinion and make yourself heard. It doesn’t matter if you’re wrong or if people disagree with you. On a related note, don’t be afraid to be direct and say what you really think. 
• Be efficient. Get the most out of doing the least. This is an absolute MUST for me when time is so precious everyday. For example, rather than washing the dishes, I’ve been using the dishwasher a lot more. I haven’t had time to make something for holiday potlucks this season, so I’ve resorted to buying dishes. I’m still learning how optimize my time, but multi-tasking is definitely key.
• Always be learning. Every moment is an opportunity to learn something, especially when you meet new people. That’s one of the great things about my job - having conversations with so many amazing people and learning something new everyday. To quote Steve Jobs, “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”
• You ARE in control. Stress happens when you feel powerless. The best way to relieve this? Intervene and take control. Make decisions. You’ll be surprised at how much this helps.
• Take care of yourself. It’s easy to let everyday go by and forget about yourself. Life is so busy with work, errands, kids, etc. I’m certainly guilty of this. But don’t forget to slow down and do something for yourself. Ideally do something everyday that makes you happy, even if it’s something small - take a walk, grab coffee from your favorite cafe, read a magazine leisurely, whatever. Maintain your mind-body health. After all, your health is your greatest wealth.

Here’s to an eventful, wonderful, fun-filled 2012!

Prevent The Need For A 24 Hr Plumber

Last night, we had the unfortunate task of having to call a plumber over to fix our drain. Water and gunk had overflowed from the bathtub drain and our toilet was also leaking water from the back, causing a mini flood in the bathroom. 

We’d noticed some signs of a problem before (occasionally the bathtub would drain slowly, etc.), but it always seemed to clear up on its own. So we let it be, thinking we’d need to eventually get a plumber to come out and check out our pipes. Looking back now, I wish we’d called someone out at the first sign of a problem. Then we could have saved ourselves a lot of headache. It would have also been easier on our wallet - plumbing services after hours often have a 50-60% surcharge (or more).

Life often works that way, doesn’t it? Until something becomes a huge problem and increases in urgency, we aren’t motivated to take action. “It’s probably nothing to worry about”… “I’ll take care of it later”. We procrastinate, we de-prioritize the problem, we convince ourselves it’s not really a problem, or we stick our head in the sand and don’t want to deal it. It’s only in hindsight after the sh*t hits the fan that we regret not having taken action sooner. It may have been painful back then, but the worse the problem gets, the more painful and daunting it becomes to address it. 

Granted, things don’t always blow up because people avoid dealing with it. Sometimes you just don’t realize something bad is brewing. Sometimes all the signs are there, but we fail to put the pieces together - especially when our lives are so busy and we have so many things to worry about. 

I don’t have a great answer to this, but it seems that one way to mitigate molehills actually turning into mountains is to address and fix problems as soon as they come up, rather than passively waiting. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Especially in the startup world, time is of the essence. When your team is small and you’re operating on a limited amount of capital, you can’t afford to let problems fester (whether they be product-related, customer-related, investor-related, or staff/employee-related). 

One other area you should NEVER put off - your health. Better to be conservative and be a worrywart than to let things be. Your health is by far your greatest wealth. 

I have never felt more adamant about all this than since Brendan was born. Partly because now my life is even busier than before and I can’t afford to put things off, and also because I want to set a good example for him and make sure he doesn’t procrastinate. Regardless, it doesn’t take a baby to realize that it’s much easier to fix small problems than to fix ginormous problems. 

And if you find your drain is backing up, call up a plumber ASAP. Just hope it isn’t after hours!